2009-5-13 First Dr Apt :)

First Dr Apt :)

on 05-13-2009 at 09:55 PM (116 Views)

So I had my first Dr apt for this pg today!

It took WAY longer than I had anticipated... but it was good!!! There was a lot of paperwork to go over and to sign... blah, blah, blah... Once I finally got in to see the Doc, he still talked at me quite a bit... and quickly, as he had a woman at the hospital 'pushing' (I'm thinking that if I'm pushing, some had better be there 'catching' cause it's about that quick for me) anyway... I might be labeled 'High risk' because of the two m/c's and because the one was in the second tri... yuck, except that it would mean seeing my bean more often (I am sticking to my guns, though and saying NO needles in the uterus this go round...)

So after the Dr checks me, much like a physical and looks and feels inside... he asks me if I want to listen with the Doppler, knowing that we were most likely NOT going to be able to hear anything (it's still rather early), and after waffling for a few minutes, decided to go a head and try to hear the HB (telling myself that I wasn't going to be disappointed or freaked out if/when we didn't hear it). After wandering around for a while with the thing, he was about to give up... but found it!!! a glorious little HB at 172!!! If the old wives are right... I think there may be an adoption of a little boy in our future... I'm still praying for this one to be a boy though!!

OK... Next apt is in four weeks, June 11


on a side note, I bought shoes for Rachel's wedding today they are cute and kind of strappy, Dr Scholls (yea) and not heals, which is good cause apparently (besides being 27 weeks pg) the ceremony is on the lawn... aeration by the bridal party not a good idea

2009-5-5 I'm an Aunt!

I'm an Aunt!

on 05-05-2009 at 11:45 PM (65 Views)

I got a call this evening from N that B and W had their baby boy. The cool thing was that N called me at 9:45 PM local time May 5th saying that he was born 2:XX AM May 6th... how cool is that? It makes total sense, because they are in Uganda I can't describe how happy I am for them! His name is Landon with a middle name that I can't spell (neither could N) but means "the blessing" SO PERFECT! I'm an AUNT!!!

(and as a side note I am crying, much like I did when I was on the phone with N. as I said, I an really happy for them... and I am enough of a family member to have been called right after the great-grandma, and Great Uncle (and Aunt Pat called N too), so I guess I don't really need to 'worry' much. N is going to see B and W and the baby in June, but she wanted to come here in Jan when Corine would have been born... hey maybe we'll get a visit from her finally at Christmas time....?)

OK I think my tears are done and I need to go to bed.... zzz

2009-4-29 Searching for a different church

Searching for a different church

on 04-29-2009 at 10:56 PM (98 Views)

I should be doing some dishes, but feel like I need to post something... now I could post that my current pregnancy seems to be going well, I am so tired on a daily basis, so emotional, 'sore' nipples (more like just strange feelings when they are touched), headaches, sneezing (yes that's a pg sign for me... it has to do with avoiding nausea), a bit of nausea and that incredibly full (dare I say bloated) feeling in my lower abdomen, AND then there's the fact that we've seen a HB (that's the best of all)! Even with all that, we are still keeping this under raps with the kids for the time being

But I'm not here for that today...
As it says up at the top, my family is searching for a different church. I don't really know what to say about it, except that it's rough! I (we) loved our church in Flagstaff! I don't know if we'll ever find one that we love so well... but we have now been to two different churches that I am really not so sure about. The first was an independent church and while it wasn't bad, and I could see myself (and my family) going back, it didn't 'jump off the page' so to speak. The second we went to was a Baptist church, it was very muchly NOT what we are looking for! There is another one close by that I would like to see, but I have a feeling that it will be similar to the last one... (I could be wrong) There is also another church (further into town) that DH and I joked about when we first moved here, because the pastor's last name is Dull LOL and we though 'How could you go somewhere where the pastor is dull' But in all seriousness, the web sight that they have looks promising. I meant to ask at MOPS last week where some of the women go... but, in all my pg brain, forgot. And when I talked to Kristy about it when I dropped off dinner last night, she mentioned another gal at MOPS, but didn't know the name of the church. *SIGH* I wish it were easier to find a place where your whole family feels like they fit in and has the things that your family is looking for. So again I *sigh*

Oh and the reason we are looking for someplace different? We have realized, two years after we started going there, that the focus of the church is NOT what we feel we can focus our lives on. It's not that it's a bad focus for a church, it's just not what we are looking for. Also, DH is having a hard time getting through to the pastor about a certain issue that I happen to agree with DH on (go figure, huh?). Now we have a list of things we would like to see in a church that we attend, and unfortunately I think about half of then have to do with the current issues we are having with the church we were going to. *sigh*

Now for some homemade ice cream and beddy bye... dishes can be done tomorrow...

2009-4-17 ultrasound and playing with pee sticks

ultrasound and playing with pee sticks

on 04-17-2009 at 12:49 PM (152 Views)

So I played with the HPT's last night and got some pictures. In reality I was making sure that they were getting darker. LOL So here is a picture of that




AND we, make that I - had an ultrasound this morning. Before I go into that, I have to explain how nervous I was! I woke this morning at 6-something in an absolute panic because of the dream I'd just had! It involved a lot of babies (that looked to be about 12 weeks gestation) all falling out of me. UGH I managed to go back to sleep and dreamed again that DH was doing something strange in the bathroom. It looked like he was trying to remodel and there was NO toilet and I HAD to go! I was done sleeping at that point so I lay there and contemplated today's ultrasound. After I managed to get out of bed I was NAUSEOUS before I ate breakfast I was NAUSEOUS after I ate breakfast... I would like to chalk it up to nerves. DH and I managed to convince DD that she needed to stay home with daddy (who didn't really want to go with me ).

At the ultrasound we heard a heart beat (though it sounded like mine), but we did get to see the little one with it's little heart flickering away. I was ecstatic!! The baby measures right on time from what FF says, maybe a day off... they found all they needed to find... though I seem to have a right ovary that was hiding LOL (the teck said though that she had found it back in Feb so she wasn't concerned). One other thing that was interesting was she said that back in Feb I had a retroverted (tilted backwards) uterus and now it looks just fine... huummm wonder if that has anything to do with why I m/c then. OK so here is today's picture... it's a little blurry, but I am in love!! and the line is the crown to rump length (2.5mm)

2009-4-8 Feeling a bit better about this

Feeling a bit better about this

on 04-08-2009 at 02:46 PM (103 Views)

I POAS again on Monday (just to reassure myself that this was for real) then I called the Doctor's office and got Beta's and P4 going.

The Beta from Monday came back at 776 and P4 came back at 22, went in again today and should have an u/s in a couple of weeks (pending on today’s beta #)

So I am feeling a bit better about this, but I'm still having a had time getting excited. I told 'O' from MOPS at Bible Study last night, she's excited for me! And MIL knows as DH told her yesterday. I still don't know when I want to tell other family... or even my sweet girls...

Five weeks tomorrow, still hoping this bean sticks around!!!



****Edited to add Beta results from today are in!!! The Number? 2009... (a 1550 was expected)!!! SO Yea!!! I am really starting to fear multiples though

U/S is scheduled for next Friday at 10:30... AND... I don't have to go back for any more Beta's (My arm is grateful!!)

2009-4-5 Oh Boy ... here we go!! Edit Blog Entry Rate this Entry * Excellent * Good * Average * Bad * Terrible * 1 Comment b

Oh Boy ... here we go!!

on 04-05-2009 at 10:52 PM (83 Views)

So I am still in shock!!

Yesterday was 16DPO as per FF and I couldn't stand waiting for AF any longer so I broke down and POAS

Lo and Behold it was positive!!! Now I compared it to the first stick I peed on back in Feb (yes I still have it for some strange reason...) and this one was lighter... but you could chalk that up to about a million different reasons... bought at different times, dye color different, I have been drinking quite a bit of H2O... blah blah blah

But never the less there were (still are, lol) two lines And yet I have never been so 'ho-hum' about a BFP before... I am having such a hard time being excited. I guess this comes with good cause... two m/c in a span of 7 months (15 weeks in Aug and 6 weeks in Feb)... I just want to know that things are alright before I let excitement set in... But I KNOW better, God controls what happens (what has happened ) and I can't let my fear of m/c again control me

On the positive side... I am super emotional... I've cried over the silliest things and have yelled at my children for no good reason; I am exhausted!!! and am asleep every night earlier than usual; I am nauseous ...like if I don't eat, UGH and not much sounds good...

OK ... hoping this one sticks around for the long haul... and (not so secretly) hoping that we almost even out the hormones (or at least the ratio of xx/ xy chromosomes) in this house (AKA I want a boy)!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
good night

2009-3-8 Sweet Sundays

Sweet Sundays

on 03-08-2009 at 11:36 PM (67 Views)

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Our speaker in Church today (not our pastor) spoke on these verses. Before he got to the verses he told of how steal is made stronger by first making it weaker. Steal must first be heated very hot, where it becomes weaker, then it is cooled very rapidly (usually by water) and this is what makes it stronger.

My thoughts immediately went to what has transpired in the last year... Two pregnancies... a cystic hygroma... CVS testing... and in the end two miscarriages. I can only pray that, as Mike (I think that’s his name) said this morning, God in His sovereignty is using what the devil thought would get me down, and making me stronger.

As Mike continued to talk about Paul’s ‘thorn’ and how he begged God to take it away, but knew that God’s grace is sufficient enough; I continued to think of the poem that is above and thought, “Oh I wish this could be taken away, but I know better, I will ALWAYS be a woman who has miscarried two (please NO more) babies. I will never be able to have the innocence and joy of pregnancy that was there for Faith and Megan.” And I hate that!!! But he came back to the steal, and so must I. God is using this to make me stronger.

This whole thing reminds me of a time in HS when I was struggling between two homes. ‘N’ told me of how gold is refined and made more pure. When a goldsmith is refining gold he will turn up the fire (heat) below it to raise the imperfections to the top, then skim those imperfections off and continue the process. So heat (aka: trials) does quite a lot for a Christian... it can help to get imperfections ‘out’ and when cooled properly, make us stronger... and more like Christ. Praise be to God!

I very muchly needed today’s sermon!


Tristasmother - 03-25-2009 08:50 AM

Stina - I took a materials class in college that didn't explain steel-making as well as you did above based on the speaker's information. It is amazing that through weakness we can become stronger. So many times, it's just easy to see my weaknesses and how broken I feel, but it's nice to know that, if I will let God, the end goal will be my increased strength through him.

Thanks for sharing!

2009-3-1 The emotion of music

The emotion of music

on 03-01-2009 at 02:22 PM (71 Views)

I lost it in church today... I love music and I love the emotion that music can convey, it's just so hard when the music that I love so dearly brings me to my knees in emotion and tears. We sang (well I'm not sure that I sang too much ... very unlike me) "Blessed be your name" today. It's just such a great song, and we do need to remember to PRAISE HIM in everything, in the good and the bad... all I could do today was cry. I don't think it helped that "H" and "M" had their newborn baby there today (barely two weeks old and she was due a month after I was with Corine), so that coupled with the events of this week... that song really brought me to my knees today. I have managed to control my emotions, but Beth has it right... "It's tough being a woman"!!!!!!

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

(emphasis mine) "A" said she sang it for me today. I am glad she did because my voice seemed to fail me today. Thanks "A"

2009-2-25 More thoughts on this loss...

More thoughts on this loss...

on 02-25-2009 at 10:21 PM (86 Views)

I still cannot believe that we miscarried AGAIN. Granted this is not as rough going as it was back in August, but it is still hard. 'A' from church (she always has poignant questions for me ) asked if I was becoming callused to this or if I am agonizing as to why this happened again... I waver back and forth.. Some moments I am "oh well... life goes on" and others I just have to sit down and cry because this did happen again. I just want to carry another baby to term!

2009-2-24 nothing there...

nothing there...

on 02-24-2009 at 11:14 PM (67 Views)

We did have an ultrasound today that showed that there was nothing there... I then went to the doc's office (u/s is in another building) and I got the news that my beta yesterday was only at 198... so this started long before yesterday. I go back in a week to give more blood to make sure that the number is falling like it should and in four weeks to make sure that my body is healing like it should...

I feel almost fine physically... a few AF type cramps and a pulling sensation around my right hip are the most bothersome... I also have some neck pain that may have come from laying so funny on the couch that last couple of days (stress related as well) ... emotionally ... it's a moment by moment thing... I'm not sure of how much more I can take...