2009-2-23 scared and sad

scared and sad

on 02-23-2009 at 02:55 PM (70 Views)

I woke up to bright red spots in my undies this morning. I am so frightened. I called the doc and I went in today for blood work and I go in tomorrow for an u/s and the next day for follow up blood work. I am just praying for this little one.

This afternoon I got up to make the kiddos a late lunch and go pee and notice that there is a lot more blood now ... no real clots or cramps though... I hope that my u/s tomorrow shows something...

2009-2-22 Six Weeks!!

Six Weeks!!

on 02-22-2009 at 10:27 PM (66 Views)

This week marks six for this pregnancy! Yea!!

This week that baby is growing like crazy, is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Our little sweet pea...

2009-2-15 Week 5

Week 5

on 02-15-2009 at 09:39 PM (44 Views)

Wow, I can't believe that it's been a week since I found out about this pregnancy! DH knows, but my kiddos (hopefully) don't (they are smart little cookies, and I wouldn't put it past them, except that they haven't asked me any questions...) I didn't get a chance to buy Honey Buns for DH, but I sent him a piece of flair on Facebook... and he immediately banned me from Hot dogs and cold cuts, lol.

So according to BabyCenter.com I've got a little 2mm bean (about the size of a sesame (or a small apple seed - pictured below) seed) who will, this week, in fact, have a tiny heart that begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood... How exciting!!

2009-2-9 Week 4

Week 4

on 02-09-2009 at 11:29 AM (58 Views)

Wow, so I am still in disbelief!! but this is the size of the little bean as of now, I think I've read about 1mm...


This is a picture of Poppy seeds

I am not ready to post belly shots as of yet, but they will be coming rest assured!

2009-2-9 Oh My Goodness!!!

Oh My Goodness!!!

on 02-09-2009 at 12:25 AM (65 Views)

Well today was 16dpo and no sign of AF, my temps have been riding a roller coaster, up one day and down the next, it's annoying!! Also I have noticed that I have an excessive amount of creamy cm since I O'ed (I though it was supposed to dry up after O)... so I POAS this morning....



I am in total shock, and haven't even figured out how to tell DH... though I'm thinking of buying a package of honey buns (they're a sticky, honey ooey gooey mess - kind of like cinnamon rolls only not as big and more honey) from where I work and sticking one in his lunch box tomorrow and the rest in the oven and see if he catches on I am fearful of telling my girls till we see a good u/s

2009-1-29 The Doctors

The Doctors

on 01-29-2009 at 06:15 PM (96 Views)

I haven't really ever watched this show, but I heard that they were taking PCOS stories, so after a few days of thought, I decided to send in my story. Fun stuff

So here is what I am giving them...

Hello, my symptoms of PCOS are that I have male pattern facial hair (sideburns a beard and mustache) that I maintain by waxing, I also have a patch of hair on my back, and I have coarse dark hair all over that is almost impossible to shave. I am thin-ish, but have what I can only describe as a the beginnings of the typical male ‘beer belly’ I have always had this pudge, regardless of any exercise I do.

I was never officially diagnosed with PCOS, but a doctor (well, a nurse practitioner), after I had been trying to get pregnant for a year already, said that I probably had it. She looked at me and some of the things I complained about, asked a few questions, and said that my symptoms plus my both my parents’ high blood pressure can all be factors and said that I most likely had PCOS... that it would be a miracle if I ever ovulated and had children.

I can look back on my life and see symptoms as far back as when I was in 7th grade (I think ... my childhood memories are so fuzzy) I finally had my first period, my mom thought it could be a little late, but she wasn't worried at the time. By the time I hit high school I was having debilitating cramps almost every month, these were cramps that would put me in the nurses office for half the day or more, or keep me home on a hot pad with Ibuprofen in me. They really knocked me out! By this time my mom was noticing the trend and chalked it up to our family history... My Great-grandma on her side had problems getting pregnant (pcos way back then?) so she went to an Indian witch doctor, and I'm not saying that whatever happened was because of that person or not, but she then went on to have three children out of 8-10 pregnancies. My grandma (one of her children) had female problems (and I don't remember right now what...) but every one of her daughters (5? of 8 children), my mom included... had endometriosis, or cancers, and all had hysterectomies before they were 40. So this is where I am coming from. Later on in High School I blacked out a few times during my period and that's when I think my symptoms started becoming more evident. That’s also when I started growing chin hair and sideburns (so embarrassing!). I never thought to be concerned though cause I had somewhat regular cycles... while in High school I lived with two other teen aged girls and their mother (their dad had died some years prior)... ha ha, even the dog and the cat were female... so I was in sync with their cycles and never noticed any problems. When I became engaged, my college roommate suggested the birth control that she was using... the Depo shot. I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I was on that for a year, when we realized that it was actually starting to drive me crazy (like, I felt like I was climbing the wall) and it was depressing me as well, so we nipped that in the bud! Then I was put on Alesse BCPs, I felt much better. But when I stopped it (so that we could start trying to have a child), my cycles just kept getting longer and longer and that's when I swore off hormonal birth control and started charting my Basal Body Temperature, and was ‘diagnosed.’ It took two plus years to conceive my first daughter. To help my self ovulate and stay regular I was taking Red Raspberry leaf capsules, Dong Quai and Soy Isoflavions (early in my cycle), under the direction of the nurse practitioner, but she never followed up. I ran out of the herbs at one point and that was the month I conceived my oldest daughter. Then I had decided that once sheturned one we would start trying for another child, in case it took another two years... well I didn’t have to wait very long, cause instead of getting my period when she turned one I got a positive pregnancy test. My second was born a short eight months later. When we decided that we wanted to try again for another child last year, I began charting my Basal Body Temperature again and realized that by taking nothing I was only ovulating once every three cycles, even though I would have a period, though those cycles tended to be a bit longer. I decided to try the Soy Isoflavions during the early part of my cycle again. This helped me to begin to ovulate every month and I conceived again. Sadly the baby died and I miscarried at 15 weeks, but I was told that her death had nothing to do with anything I had done or taken, it was her placenta and cord that had problems. We are currently trying again to conceive and have currently been at it for the last five months, and while I know that’s somewhat normal, I am not pregnant yet and I am getting older. I do not currently have any insurance, so I am relying completely on the Soy Isofalvions, and OPK’s (which actually seem to work for me).

I do not expect to be on this show, but I wanted to make sure that my story is out there... it is possible to have this and have a somewhat normal life (I still have to watch what I eat) and have children. Thank you.

Update from Wednesday

Alternately titled: Poppop

Rachel called Wednesday night to tell me that our Grandpa Smith was not doing very well at all and that the family is on alert that he is probably in his last days.

Friday evening my dad called to tell me the same news... catch that FRIDAY... as Rach put it: "Family phone tree FAIL" I can say this here cause it's very unlikely that most people will see it... My dad can be so difficult to understand, I that's a mild way of putting it!

So as we are making dinner Friday night Dad calls again. I knew when I saw the caller ID that Grandpa had passed. It still took him telling me that Grandpa had just died to actually believe it. I immediately went out to where Steve was grilling the steaks and he knew immediately. Steve preceded to call Nancy, his mom and my mom (who didn't answer) and my brother. We also told our girls and used some Bible verses, Psalm 23 being one of them. Psalm 23 is what I am learning for Beth Moore's memory verses... and I didn't even tell Steve about it before that.

Grandpa didn't want a funeral. So Monday my aunt, uncle, Kim Jonathan, and my dad... and I think my Grandma all went with his body to the mausoleum and then to lunch. Rach is hoping for a summer meet-up to reminise about him and Grandma Smith (I am all for that!).

RIP Edward K Smith Jr 1/4/1921-1/28/2011

Black Sheep

So I am interrupting my transferring of posts from SC for the reason i have a personal blog...


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i HATE how some how my pitiful little family have become the Black sheep of the Smith clan!!!! Kim posted on her FB account that she got some disheartening news about a family member.... I put something on there about praying for them... she IM'ed me later (I was on the wii at the time so I don't really see it) that it's about Grandpa Smith...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

So HOW COME i don't have any clue what's going on?!? No call from Dad... all day. No call from anyone else. No emails. NOTHING

IT IS SO FRUSTRATING!!! and yes I intended that to be all caps!

GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I can't exactly ask her what has happened on her post.... I can't be rude and put in my status (like I would love to) "Would someone care to full me in on what has happened with my Grandpa!" or "I hate being left in the dark about things" (hmm maybe i can use that one) or something about being the black sheep of the family... cause I am sure they would all deny it!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I don't think my rant is over yet.... but I need to get some other things done and get to bed on time tonight, work is EARLY!!! and it's pretty slick outside :( (and I am missing MOPS beside)

ETA: rachel to be calling

2009-1-18 Sweet Sundays

Sweet Sundays

on 01-18-2009 at 11:05 PM (70 Views)

I wrote a blog last week in my Family blog that I titled “Sweet Sundays” and thought I’d do another one, but didn’t want to have two posts with the same name right in a row ( haven’t posted since then), and this one is focused mainly on my sweet Corine that we lost (and Heaven gained) at 15 weeks gestation back in Aug. So I decided that this one would go here... and with that...

So our pastor today was talking about the Tower of Babel (Gen 11:1-9). About how when God dispersed everyone and confused their language, that it was what is called a ‘common grace.’ A common grace is defined as: “The Grace of God by which He gives innumerable blessings that are not part of salvation.” And he gave examples of his own life, one where he played chicken (as a kid) and didn’t get hurt or in trouble. Then he gave examples of things he’s seen... a child at church, who is just precious, and is loved so much by everyone, his little life is a common grace. And a young woman who battling cancer, and is about have the ultimate glorification (death) and how she can still praise God and her life is a common grace. So I was thinking of... what else? The m/c... and how it was God’s common grace that we were in a church that cares about us as a family (and not as a number) and is thoughtful enough to come out and tell us that there are others who have lost a child (this is hard to tell someone...). It was God’s common grace that I have been so involved in MOPS, and that they were willing to help in whatever way. It was God’s common grace that one of the paramedics used to live in this house (how crazy is that?). It was God’s common grace that we are at our hospital, not the one that the Ambulance drivers don’t like to drive to . It was God’s common grace that Jenn (and her husband) was home and that she was able to come over so quickly to take care of the girls. I’m sure that there are so many more that I am going to think of over the next week and a half... that’s how long it is till my EDD with Corine... but I think that is enough for right now. I am sure that I would actually have her in my arms now (had things not gone the way they did) because of the way the weather has been around here lately. I miss my baby!

2009-1-12 Unmerited fears ... continued...

Unmerited fears ... continued...

on 01-12-2009 at 11:00 PM (95 Views)

So, I was reading my 'sister's blog today and decided that I really shouldn't comment there... or on my family blog, so here I am...

First off this has to with the blog I wrote a couple of months back... you can read the whole thing here

Yes I know that Grams can multiply her love for grandkids... biological or not... But I didn't think I would feel so torn up over Aunt 'R' Who wrote in her blog today... I will quote from it as I don't really want to post a lot of personal things...
"While 'B' was in South Africa I got to feel “junior” kick. It was so amazing and filled my heart with joy. I can’t wait to meet this precious baby boy, only four more months! He is already stubborn. We were watching TV and the baby was kicking and jumping all around; we decided he already likes chocolate cake just like his mom! As soon as I put my hand on 'B'’s stomach he stopped. So I was patient and waiting and waiting for him to move at last he did. I can’t wait to hear this little one cry and one day say Aunt 'R'."

So how does this make me feel? She already is Aunt 'R' to my kids! She was there the day that Faith was born! She made it a point to come visit us here 2000 miles away from Grams (and her American home) at Christmas time! UGH!!! This is NOT the first that she will be an aunt (as a commenter implied)!

So now I wonder if I get to be an Aunt or not, do I even matter... or am I just the bum who moved in with the family in HS?

I wish I could say something... but I'm afraid that it would be taken the wrong way... I'm afraid that I would not say something in love, but in jealousy and that's not right.... so I will keep my mouth shut (well except for here, but this blog is for me ), continue with my plans to crochet 'B' a baby blanket and pray that I can get pregnant again soon (that has very little to do with 'B,' 'R' or with Grams, it's just when emotions are running that seems to surface ).

Again I say... UGH!!!