I love my job.... still... really

Yep, back to the job. Really I do love it. *sigh*

So I'm pregnant again... that's another post though (oh my)... 33 weeks, due end of Feb. I am SO uncomfortable, but I told S via email: 

I'd like to keep working for as long as possible before he's born (cause I'm not too keen on bringing a tiny baby into all the germs :) I think you may understand...) And after my little guy is born, I'd like to have Holly keep coming to the daycare about once a week -or so (given availability), just so that she stays used to it and I think it will somewhat help her for next year...

So since I sent that email, I haven't worked ONE BIT. It's rather frustrating! Can I say anything, not really, cause I am super busy and like this week can really only work Mon, Thurs, and Fri... provided there's room at the daycare... but that hasn't been an issue yet.

I just don't know. I love what I do and I love being able to take my kiddo with me. I don't love being left out.

Long time no post... Reminder to self: I do love my job!

I’m not even sure what’s wrong with me, or why I feel like I do. But I feel as though I just got a demotion at work. We had a staff mtg at work, and just had gone for training last weekend, so I understand where my boss, S, was coming from and why she needed to place a hierarchy amongst us employees, but I guess I viewed us all as equal (and that just been thrown out the window). I understand, I really do... but I just feel under-appreciated and like I don’t really count (which I know isn’t true, but those darn feelings). April will be two years at the daycare, and I’ve now been put ‘under’ the authority of someone who a) hasn’t been there as long as I have and b) in TEN years my jr! :**[ ...and I have more education then everyone but S. Shouldn’t that count as something?! Maybe, and I hate to say this after working at it ALL my life, but maybe I wasn’t cut out for education... wow that was hard... and yet where would I go, what would I do? I say it almost every day, I love my job! I love being able to get out of the house a couple of days a week and not have to think about me, but think about others (the kids). I love that I can bring Holly with me. I love that S is flexible. I love that we are all good friends, and Christians too! I loved feeling equal, so …now I guess I work on loving less responsibility (then L and J have).

This is more of a side tangent... I feel SO out of the loop at times (guess I need to work on liking that aspect too) and I guess I need to just get over that feeling.

I don’t know if I’ve resolved anything in my head, but I feel a little better. UGH

2010-7-27 Taking BFF applications

Taking BFF applications

on 07-27-2010 at 12:04 AM (232 Views)

haha JK

In all seriousness though, I have noticed a severe lack of a good friend in my life!

In High school I had a group of four of us... we did everything together! 3 of us were even in the top choir together as seniors. We did senior ditch day together, just us. We ate lunch in the choir hall, just us. Oh, we had other friends, but when it all came down to it, these were the girls I went to. All for one, one for all kind of deal. ...then we graduated... sigh... I now have two of the three of them on my facebook... one is still in Flagstaff (and it's not me).

Before HS, there was 'R' We did everything together too, but now she's... well... more sister then friend ....and her home is South Africa (which is so cool!) so yeah...

... and I am feeling left out of the BFF craze or whatever, or even just having one really good friend. Someone I can talk girly things to, gab with, call for no reason... Even women my age, with just as many kids have BFFs. ...So where is mine?

Don't get me wrong I LOVE my DH and yes I can talk to him about anything, but think about it... he has a wife and THREE daughters. He needs a good guy friend too! to talk guy things, to be all guy-ish with LOL ...and we are both lacking in this area

So I need a BFF... too bad I can't do like Paris Hilton ... sigh... maybe I'll take applications anyway ha

2010-5-6 a bit of venting

a bit of venting

on 05-06-2010 at 10:42 PM (182 Views)

So my adorable 'nephew' (who's not really MY nephew, but I grew up with his mom as a 'sort-of' sister, so in that respect he's my nephew) turned ONE today. And I couldn't be happier, he is such a cutie pie!

BUT... it makes me think of all that has gone on in the last year... and nine months.

We lost Corine on Aug 6th... the 6th, and Landon was born on the 6th of May! Exactly nine months after Corine's passing *tear* and YES we have Holly now, but she in NO way replaces Corine, or the hurt... or any of the tears.... and no one else would get this, oh well...

I don't really feel better, but I sort of do... doesn't make sense but oh well

2009-12-5 I'm allowed to be cranky..... right?

I'm allowed to be cranky..... right?

on 12-05-2009 at 02:14 PM (77 Views)

I want to post that as my status on FB, but I'm afraid of the comments I'd get

So twice in a matter of a couple of days I am posting something here... wow

So I feel like I'm on some sort of strange house arrest... I can't go anywhere in my house without being followed, like someone HAS to be there the very second I go into labor... I feel like I can't go anywhere out of the house, I might go into labor... I feel like I can't take a shower, what if my water breaks and I don't realize it? (cause I can't seem to figure out when a cx happens either)... I can't call the OB about the blood in my CM when I wiped yesterday and this morning, how paranoid would I continue to look?... I am supposed to take things nonchalantly like the OB's are, but I am concerned I wont be able to squeeze this silly baby out, should she get much bigger (need I say again measuring 41 weeks...ouch)... Oh and my family just left to go 'drop off' the recycling, they asked if I wanted to come, but that would have added about an hour to what should be a 15 min trip (I'm not dressed)... now I think I may have them worried about me still! What if I go into labor while they are away?

I just can't win.... so I'm allowed to be cranky, right?

2009-12-3 I am so done being pregnant!... RANT!

I am so done being pregnant!... RANT!

on 12-03-2009 at 09:23 PM (119 Views)

So I haven't posted anything in a very long time... I didn't on our family Blog either... just updated the other day over there... but I feel like I need to scream, and in fact have been crying most of the day. Chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and uncomfortably in me. I am SO done! I am currently 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant and SO done! I had an OB check today. I am sure that most women would be fine with the news that I got, me... I don't quite understand what's wrong. At 36weeks (almost) I was 2-3cm dilated and at a -1 station, at 37 weeks (almost) I was 3cm, 80% effaced and -1 station, at 37.5 weeks (would have been 38 week apt) I was at 4cm, still 80% and -1... so I thought progress right!? I thought 'd been having contractions and that things would be a but further... Well today (38w5d... 39w? apt) I am STILL at 4cm and all he would say was that I am 90-95% effaced... WhOoPiEe (note the sarcasm)... oh oh and I am measuring at 41 weeks (What the heck!???). Faith's water broke at almost 1cm, so I really have no comparison to her... with Megan I was 6cm at my 38 week apt, Angie (my wonderful OB and family friend) told us to tie up our loose ends and come back to L&D later (so that she could deliver)... well I was still at 6cm when we got there and they used pitocin to help things along (which is no fun!) when they finally broke my water, I finally felt real contrax... and I had her within an hour and a half! ...next apt is already Monday...

I don't know where I am going with this... except to just rant! But, I am just frustrated that this is taking so long. I am uncomfortable, I can't breath (I haven't been able to since the end of Sept), my pubic bone HURTS - like it's bruised, and I have little pains all over my body... I just want to be done and sleep on my tummy again!

Another thing I realized today... I think subconsciously I wanted this baby home before MIL gets here so that we could adjust to this new little life in our home before she came. Not that I don't want MIL here, I DO, I really do! But she was there when Megan was born and I don't think we had a chance to adjust to being a family of four until MIL left, which was a stress for the rest of us (added on top of the normal stress that Megan added). So I think I wanted that too, just a little bit of time as the five of us, before we have family swoop in on us (MIL will be here for two weeks from the 12th to the 26th and my dad is coming Christmas eve to the 26th as well).

OK I think my rant is over... I think I am going to have either another cup of tea or cocoa and finish watching Private Practice...

2009-8-9 22 weeks and counting...

22 weeks and counting...

on 08-09-2009 at 07:41 PM (102 Views)

How far along? 22weeks 1day

Total weight gain/loss: up about 15 lbs so far, as per the home scale at night

Maternity clothes? No change.. except that I went and bought a pair of sleep shorts that are WAY to big, but feel SO nice

Stretch marks? I think a few more have popped up and the ones I have are ‘growing’, but still applying lotion as often as I can remember with the “Palmer’s” stuff

Sleep: restless.. and I still have had a couple of days where my RLS has acted up and that keeps me awake

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat again and getting a prescription (yep a prescription, so it’s covered by the insurance) for a prenatal cradle.. Oh, I am anticipating the relief!

Movement: It’s a rare day that I don’t feel her move now! The days that I don’t seem to be the days I am more active (like while at work)

Food cravings: Just about anything you mention! It all sounds good! I have noticed though that cheese is really good and green beans are really good.. things that I can’t get too much of (at least they are not junk)

Any mood swings? My temper fuse is really short these days.. according to some other pregnant women I have talked to, this is normal.. not something I remember form Faith and Megan though

Labor Signs: None yet! Thank the LORD!

Belly Button in or out? In, so far is has gotten tighter though, I have noticed that I can’t see inside it as much as before LOL

Wedding rings on or off? No change..

What I miss: Bras that fit!

What I am looking forward to: (not pg related..) looking forward to getting my Bridesmaid dress so that I can figure out how it get it the right length,, that should be this week..

Bought anything for baby? In the last couple of weeks I bought fabric to go with the afore mentioned Boppy cover and the fabric will work for another pattern for baby items.. We are thinking of registering soon for a few things that we don’t have..

Weekly Wisdom: pregnant women get tired easily.. my feet still hurt from my six hour shift at work yesterday

Milestones: Her lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and she's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath her gums. Her eyes have formed, but her irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers her body and the deep wrinkles on her skin, which she'll sport until she adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside her belly, her pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

some pictures:

My belly last week at 21 weeks


ultrasound taken 7-16 at almost 19 weeks... it's another girl (if you missed that) and this one shows her with her thumb in her mouth... little stinker

2009-7-7 Unmerited fears... all over again

Unmerited fears... all over again

on 07-07-2009 at 10:20 AM (99 Views)

I wrote a post on here back in October about finding out my 'sister' was pg. You can read it HERE. Then a few months later in January, my other 'sister' wrote in her blog and I just had to comment HERE. I even posted about being an excited aunt in my family blog HERE, and got a response from 'B' via email

So that brings me to the email from "Grams" that B sent out from her mom who is visiting the happy little family. Now I know what I've said before, I know that they all (mostly) accept me as family and nothing could change that, I know that N is no less Grams to my kids now that Landon is here. But something welled up inside me when I read

We haven’t done anything exciting, but it’s wonderful to just sit around and watch Landon. He is, of course, the cutest baby ever...

The rest of her letter was just mundane stuff they had done. Of course Landon's cute, I've seen pictures, I don't mind the fact that he's cute. It's the fact that N said cutest ever.

I don't feel like our babies were ugly (some are and you just want to cringe when you say "how cute", but MINE weren't like that!). I just don't know how to react, or even what to say when talking to N anymore.

This whole situation isn't helped by the fact that Landon was born 9 months to the day after Corine's passing. It was an eerie coincidence to me and probably one I'll never mention to B, R or N, as I'm sure I'd get some ridicule about it, or they'd just laugh it off.

OK I think my whacked out pg emotions are better now (maybe not completely...). I just hope that I don't need to write another post with this title.

2009-6-19 14weeks 6d Ultrasound... and work rant

14weeks 6d Ultrasound... and work rant

on 06-19-2009 at 06:49 PM (110 Views)

So I had my U/S today. The U/S tech was confused as to why I was having one but it was a fabulous scan. The neck looks great and the baby is so big... compared to the six week u/s we had... He/she measures 14w4d, only two days off, so no worries there (I did notice as she was measuring things that the head was measuring at 15w, yikes). No guess at gender yet, which is fine I would like the tech to be pretty certain.

Here is a picture from today


In other... whatever... I HATE (and I don't use that word lightly) my job. We got a new GM and he doesn't care about anyone's schedule. For the last two weeks I have been scheduled Friday in addition to my regular Saturdays. AND to top it off I was scheduled last weekend when I SPECIFICALLY asked for it off to go see Beth Moore (which was FANTASTIC). So I had to finagle my way out of not only one day (that I asked off), but two. Then this week I am scheduled AGAIN Friday and Saturday... not too bad (DH doesn't get to sleep very well... up for about 24 hours), BUT this morning was my U/S scheduled for 1/2 hour before I'm supposed to be at work. UGH So I seem to have no hope of a reprieve at this (poor DH), unless or until I quit. So I seem to be on the watch for a new job... if one will take me for a mere 6 months, with no guarantee of my return... again I say UGH

2009-6-11 Appointment- 13weeks 5days

Appointment- 13weeks 5days

on 06-11-2009 at 11:00 PM (75 Views)

My appointment today was GREAT!!!! I couldn't have asked for anything better. I got the most bubblyist Dr the practice has. She came in with the rinky-dink (old) U/S machine (seriously the screen was only about 4" wide) and gave us a peek at the little one and scheduled a better U/S as well (to look at the neck and head to make sure that the problem we had last year doesn't haunt us again). While she was moving the U/S want around the baby was moving in response to what she was doing, it was remarkable to see! She also whipped out the Doppler to have a listen (a fabulous HB in the 140's). She told me I could take some Magnesium for my RLS and gave me a different prenatal vit to try to combat the fatigue. So my 'better' U/S is next Friday. I am super excited, and this pregnancy is finally starting to sink in. I'll post some pictures when I get them