2009-2-25 More thoughts on this loss...

More thoughts on this loss...

on 02-25-2009 at 10:21 PM (86 Views)

I still cannot believe that we miscarried AGAIN. Granted this is not as rough going as it was back in August, but it is still hard. 'A' from church (she always has poignant questions for me ) asked if I was becoming callused to this or if I am agonizing as to why this happened again... I waver back and forth.. Some moments I am "oh well... life goes on" and others I just have to sit down and cry because this did happen again. I just want to carry another baby to term!

2009-2-24 nothing there...

nothing there...

on 02-24-2009 at 11:14 PM (67 Views)

We did have an ultrasound today that showed that there was nothing there... I then went to the doc's office (u/s is in another building) and I got the news that my beta yesterday was only at 198... so this started long before yesterday. I go back in a week to give more blood to make sure that the number is falling like it should and in four weeks to make sure that my body is healing like it should...

I feel almost fine physically... a few AF type cramps and a pulling sensation around my right hip are the most bothersome... I also have some neck pain that may have come from laying so funny on the couch that last couple of days (stress related as well) ... emotionally ... it's a moment by moment thing... I'm not sure of how much more I can take...

2009-2-23 it's over...

it's over...

on 02-23-2009 at 09:22 PM (97 Views)

Well girls... I think I am out! ***TMI alert***I just passed a huge... well almost palm sized... clot that looks like it should still be in my uterus I had some cramping earlier and am feeling 'better' now... using my newly made cloth pads... I think I am still going to go to my u/s in the morning... just so that we can confirm what I already know. I know this sounds crass... but I would rather this happen now then like last time at a later time, I will miss this little one, but I didn't get as attached to it.

Poor DH didn't get much sleep today... he stayed up to watch the girls so that I could go get my blood drawn, and then slept in the living room (instead of the bed) which usually results in not so great sleep, and he woke earlier then normal to cook dinner. What a man I have! I just hope that he can make it through the night alright....

OK off to go change my siggy...

2009-2-23 scared and sad

scared and sad

on 02-23-2009 at 02:55 PM (70 Views)

I woke up to bright red spots in my undies this morning. I am so frightened. I called the doc and I went in today for blood work and I go in tomorrow for an u/s and the next day for follow up blood work. I am just praying for this little one.

This afternoon I got up to make the kiddos a late lunch and go pee and notice that there is a lot more blood now ... no real clots or cramps though... I hope that my u/s tomorrow shows something...

2009-2-22 Six Weeks!!

Six Weeks!!

on 02-22-2009 at 10:27 PM (66 Views)

This week marks six for this pregnancy! Yea!!

This week that baby is growing like crazy, is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Our little sweet pea...

2009-2-15 Week 5

Week 5

on 02-15-2009 at 09:39 PM (44 Views)

Wow, I can't believe that it's been a week since I found out about this pregnancy! DH knows, but my kiddos (hopefully) don't (they are smart little cookies, and I wouldn't put it past them, except that they haven't asked me any questions...) I didn't get a chance to buy Honey Buns for DH, but I sent him a piece of flair on Facebook... and he immediately banned me from Hot dogs and cold cuts, lol.

So according to BabyCenter.com I've got a little 2mm bean (about the size of a sesame (or a small apple seed - pictured below) seed) who will, this week, in fact, have a tiny heart that begins to divide into chambers and beat and pump blood... How exciting!!

2009-2-9 Week 4

Week 4

on 02-09-2009 at 11:29 AM (58 Views)

Wow, so I am still in disbelief!! but this is the size of the little bean as of now, I think I've read about 1mm...


This is a picture of Poppy seeds

I am not ready to post belly shots as of yet, but they will be coming rest assured!

2009-2-9 Oh My Goodness!!!

Oh My Goodness!!!

on 02-09-2009 at 12:25 AM (65 Views)

Well today was 16dpo and no sign of AF, my temps have been riding a roller coaster, up one day and down the next, it's annoying!! Also I have noticed that I have an excessive amount of creamy cm since I O'ed (I though it was supposed to dry up after O)... so I POAS this morning....



I am in total shock, and haven't even figured out how to tell DH... though I'm thinking of buying a package of honey buns (they're a sticky, honey ooey gooey mess - kind of like cinnamon rolls only not as big and more honey) from where I work and sticking one in his lunch box tomorrow and the rest in the oven and see if he catches on I am fearful of telling my girls till we see a good u/s

2009-1-29 The Doctors

The Doctors

on 01-29-2009 at 06:15 PM (96 Views)

I haven't really ever watched this show, but I heard that they were taking PCOS stories, so after a few days of thought, I decided to send in my story. Fun stuff

So here is what I am giving them...

Hello, my symptoms of PCOS are that I have male pattern facial hair (sideburns a beard and mustache) that I maintain by waxing, I also have a patch of hair on my back, and I have coarse dark hair all over that is almost impossible to shave. I am thin-ish, but have what I can only describe as a the beginnings of the typical male ‘beer belly’ I have always had this pudge, regardless of any exercise I do.

I was never officially diagnosed with PCOS, but a doctor (well, a nurse practitioner), after I had been trying to get pregnant for a year already, said that I probably had it. She looked at me and some of the things I complained about, asked a few questions, and said that my symptoms plus my both my parents’ high blood pressure can all be factors and said that I most likely had PCOS... that it would be a miracle if I ever ovulated and had children.

I can look back on my life and see symptoms as far back as when I was in 7th grade (I think ... my childhood memories are so fuzzy) I finally had my first period, my mom thought it could be a little late, but she wasn't worried at the time. By the time I hit high school I was having debilitating cramps almost every month, these were cramps that would put me in the nurses office for half the day or more, or keep me home on a hot pad with Ibuprofen in me. They really knocked me out! By this time my mom was noticing the trend and chalked it up to our family history... My Great-grandma on her side had problems getting pregnant (pcos way back then?) so she went to an Indian witch doctor, and I'm not saying that whatever happened was because of that person or not, but she then went on to have three children out of 8-10 pregnancies. My grandma (one of her children) had female problems (and I don't remember right now what...) but every one of her daughters (5? of 8 children), my mom included... had endometriosis, or cancers, and all had hysterectomies before they were 40. So this is where I am coming from. Later on in High School I blacked out a few times during my period and that's when I think my symptoms started becoming more evident. That’s also when I started growing chin hair and sideburns (so embarrassing!). I never thought to be concerned though cause I had somewhat regular cycles... while in High school I lived with two other teen aged girls and their mother (their dad had died some years prior)... ha ha, even the dog and the cat were female... so I was in sync with their cycles and never noticed any problems. When I became engaged, my college roommate suggested the birth control that she was using... the Depo shot. I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I was on that for a year, when we realized that it was actually starting to drive me crazy (like, I felt like I was climbing the wall) and it was depressing me as well, so we nipped that in the bud! Then I was put on Alesse BCPs, I felt much better. But when I stopped it (so that we could start trying to have a child), my cycles just kept getting longer and longer and that's when I swore off hormonal birth control and started charting my Basal Body Temperature, and was ‘diagnosed.’ It took two plus years to conceive my first daughter. To help my self ovulate and stay regular I was taking Red Raspberry leaf capsules, Dong Quai and Soy Isoflavions (early in my cycle), under the direction of the nurse practitioner, but she never followed up. I ran out of the herbs at one point and that was the month I conceived my oldest daughter. Then I had decided that once sheturned one we would start trying for another child, in case it took another two years... well I didn’t have to wait very long, cause instead of getting my period when she turned one I got a positive pregnancy test. My second was born a short eight months later. When we decided that we wanted to try again for another child last year, I began charting my Basal Body Temperature again and realized that by taking nothing I was only ovulating once every three cycles, even though I would have a period, though those cycles tended to be a bit longer. I decided to try the Soy Isoflavions during the early part of my cycle again. This helped me to begin to ovulate every month and I conceived again. Sadly the baby died and I miscarried at 15 weeks, but I was told that her death had nothing to do with anything I had done or taken, it was her placenta and cord that had problems. We are currently trying again to conceive and have currently been at it for the last five months, and while I know that’s somewhat normal, I am not pregnant yet and I am getting older. I do not currently have any insurance, so I am relying completely on the Soy Isofalvions, and OPK’s (which actually seem to work for me).

I do not expect to be on this show, but I wanted to make sure that my story is out there... it is possible to have this and have a somewhat normal life (I still have to watch what I eat) and have children. Thank you.

Update from Wednesday

Alternately titled: Poppop

Rachel called Wednesday night to tell me that our Grandpa Smith was not doing very well at all and that the family is on alert that he is probably in his last days.

Friday evening my dad called to tell me the same news... catch that FRIDAY... as Rach put it: "Family phone tree FAIL" I can say this here cause it's very unlikely that most people will see it... My dad can be so difficult to understand, I that's a mild way of putting it!

So as we are making dinner Friday night Dad calls again. I knew when I saw the caller ID that Grandpa had passed. It still took him telling me that Grandpa had just died to actually believe it. I immediately went out to where Steve was grilling the steaks and he knew immediately. Steve preceded to call Nancy, his mom and my mom (who didn't answer) and my brother. We also told our girls and used some Bible verses, Psalm 23 being one of them. Psalm 23 is what I am learning for Beth Moore's memory verses... and I didn't even tell Steve about it before that.

Grandpa didn't want a funeral. So Monday my aunt, uncle, Kim Jonathan, and my dad... and I think my Grandma all went with his body to the mausoleum and then to lunch. Rach is hoping for a summer meet-up to reminise about him and Grandma Smith (I am all for that!).

RIP Edward K Smith Jr 1/4/1921-1/28/2011